Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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