Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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