My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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