No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
