oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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