i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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