i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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