and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
stop calling my apartment porn island.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
