This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize