He uses pillows to masturbate.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
