Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
