i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
