YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
