Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
