i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
