I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
