Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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