Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
