So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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