I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
