Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
