Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
