there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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