I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
