After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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