wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
