drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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