Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
