can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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