i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
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... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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