so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
