this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just found puke in my bra..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize