She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
