I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
