as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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