My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just blew my weed a kiss
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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