I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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