well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
