Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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