They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
