I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
