well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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