just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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