I should be sponsored by Trojan
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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