im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
