I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
