Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
