All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
