Screwed.edu
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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