My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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