If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
