I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
