i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
