I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
