After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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