I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
