Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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