Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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