A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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