My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
