he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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