Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
