there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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