We won't sleep together?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize