Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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