I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
