Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
