So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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