It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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