question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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