everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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