All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
