I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
