i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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